Hurts So Bad

A slow Sunday, but meanwhile...

This was an article that came up in my Yahoo! News. What was interesting was the picture that Reuters used to accompany it.

No lie.
655

What? Did I say something wrong?

Tue Sep 25, 11:34 AM ET

Malaysian doctors have reattached a man's nearly severed penis after his first wife, enraged by his comparison of her sex skills with those of his younger second wife, decided to chop it off with a kitchen knife.
The man, a 43-year-old Indonesian worker in southern Johor state, was lying in bed with his 48-year-old wife talking about his newly wed second wife, who is in her 30s, when the incident happened, the New Straits Times newspaper reported.
Despite his shock and pain, the man managed to pull on his trousers and ride his motorcycle to a nearby hospital, where doctors had to put in 11 stitches to reattach the organ.
The man later complained to police, who arrested the woman and plan to charge her with voluntarily causing grievous hurt with a dangerous weapon, which carries the penalty of a three-year jail term and a fine, the newspaper reported.

Reuters - Tue Sep 25, 2:26 PM ET A knife is used to cut gammon in Stuttgart May 15, 2006 in this file photo. (Michaela Rehle/Reuters)

We are Connected to Victory and Happiness

This is freakish on so many levels...

But I have just one question -- when buying shoes for dogs, do you buy women's shoes or men's shoes?

YouTube - Mariko Takahashi's Fitness Video

655Jack

Jack's Happy New Year wish: More information than you need to know

I cannot take Sudafed.

I came back from China with the weirdest cold but then, I wasn't surprsied considering all the spitting and sneezing that took place in every public place. Combine it with the most killer jet lag I've ever experienced (15 hours of time difference makes for big jet lag) and I was ripe for one of the nastiest head colds I'd ever had.

It began on the flight home and went into full throttle the first night back. No need to go into detail here but suffice to say, there I was trying to sleep with every box of Kleenex I could find in the house. Normally, I would've slept it off but before I knew it, I had only 3 hours of sleep and it was time to get up and go to Temple for the Jewish New Year.

No sniffling and davening allowed there so I decided maybe I should take Sudafed.

Big mistake.

It made my head feel like it was a balloon detached from my head. My sinuses dried out but my eyes were constantly tearing and it gave me a killer sinus headache.

To top it all off, the Temple I'd been going to for the last 15 years changed Rabbis and the new Rabbi was "different," to put it nicely. He was a diminutive Argentinean man who came to Los Angeles via Sweden (he was THE Rabbi of Sweden for several years) whose accent made Charro sound like a Rhodes Scholar. It was as if Ricky Ricardo went Jewish and was conducting the service with malapropisms everywhere. "Hocus Pocus" became "focus pocus," and so on. The service was supposed to start at 10 but we didn't get to the first prayer until 10:50 because he was too busy entertaining us with his rearragned English while regaling the congregation with stories of his multicultrual life, his Yiddishe mother in Israel, etc. etc. OY!

Then the unspeakable happened. He introduced Happy, an African man in a dishiki. (Is that what you call those African shirts with wild prints that look like short Mumus?) Happy, we were told, would accompany us during morning prayers with drumming and African tambourine. ??!!?? If had selzter in my mouth, I would've done a spit take. I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen and heard it with my own eyes and ears. I kid you not that when it came to the Amidah prayers, he began drumming and asked the congregation to chant along with him, African style! Where was I? Zimbabwe Beth Sholom? After an hour an a half of this strange cultural mash-up, I'd had a splitting headache. For the first time ever, I slinked out of a High Holiday service. I just wasn't man enough to take the multi-culturalism any longer. I felt like I was in a bizarre episode of Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm and with the Sudafed swirling in my head, the drum beat drumming, I was sure I was on Jewish acid.

It was time to go.

Iit only got worse.

When I arrived home, I was immediately shuttled to my landlady's house for New Year's lunch. Initially, I was looking forward to an enjoyable break from the mystery meat Chinese food and veggies I had been eating for the last two weeks. But I was wrong, wasn't I?

Just some background, my landlady is as sweet as can be. God Bless her, she's a Holocaust survivor and with her husband (Russian, who's always insisting that visitors should drink) and her daughter and son-in-law, they couldn't make a more nice family. But I forgot about what can happen when it comes to food and people come from deprived backgrounds. They eat when given the opportunity to make up for what they didn't have back then. For me it was a disaster. Whatever effort I had spent the last 5 months eating clean went out the door (I was good about not eating white flour, avoiding processed sugar, etc..even in China where I just went veggie when the mystery meat appeared). It was time to suffer.

First, I was pried with wine (hey, goes well with Sudafed, right?). Then I was offered (read "force fed") home made gefilte fish, (unusually sweet for some reason). Then the rest came down for me like plagues on the Egyptian Pharoh. Matzoh balls (the biggest I'd ever seen), noodle kugel (Manhattan city block sized portion), chicken (half) and stuffing (oh Hell, if you're going to go all carb, do it right) and lemon honey cake (two servings, at my landlady's insistence). Let my stomach go!

In the end, I just couldn't refuse. Each time I protested that it was too much, I imagined my landlady gaving me a look as if all her days at Auschwitz were in vain -- maybe because I wasn't appreciating the food which she slaved so hard to make and which she was serving us to make up for the food she was denied there? A shonda that I should waste a morsel. As I rolled myself out of her apartment, I was convinced that I was going Jewish hell for even thinking that. BTW, do you do know what Jewish hell is? Eternal guilt.

I came in after lunch feeling as if I had a nuclear reactor fuel rod burning in my stomach. Suddenly, all those carbs in me made it difficult to even keep my eyes open. (Pile some jet lag on that plate, won't you?). I just had to lay down. An hour later, I woke up sweating like Wayne Newton on "Dancing With the Stars" and my heart racing a mile a minute. And for a moment I wasn't sure if I was going to puke or poop. (Thanks for sharing, Jack). I finally did the latter, (thanks for sharing again, Jack) but that did the trick. It felt as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders (or belly, as it were). Good boy, Jack!

That night, I followed my other neighbos' advice and took good old dependable Alka Seltzer - Nightime Cold Medicine. This time there was no dealing with the acid flashback nightmare that was Sudafed. (In fact, my neighbor said 10 mg of Sudafed was way too much for my delicate little system). And you know what? All went well and I slept like a baby. This morning I woke up with barely a sniffle and my cold nearly gone. Now all I had to deal with was the big bowl of jet lag that I had on top of my head.

Here's wishing you a Happy New Year.

By the way, for those of you looking for a Temple to go to in the L.A. area but want to know how they each rate, check out this link:


Los Angeles Synagogue Review

The Jasons in China: I've Been Shanghai'ed

Shanghai, China

September 10, 2007


Ni hao

The trip is nearing an end and I've found myself in what is probably the city of the future - Shanghai. The best way to describe it is take New York City, add a few cups of chopped up Las Vegas, throw in a pinch of Vancouver and a dusting of San Francisco and wok fry the whole concoction with a heavy dose of spicy Chinese peppers. The architecture is fantastic here. They've taken the skyscraper and created a whole new urban art form, breaking free of conventional straight lines and corners. And they've taken the traditional skyline one step further and have learned to make it work as visual entertainment at night by covering buildings with the most spectacular lights. Fifty story buildings appear to pulsate and move to the city beat and in the end, creates a city that literally feels like it never sleeps. For a city that has 22 million inhabitants (and growing), it does fairly well, with cleaner than average streets and orderly foot traffic. There are signs of a very different culture however; people sneeze openly without covering their mouths, spitting on sidewalks is very common and personal space and orderly line formation do not exist. But that's their culture so you learn to live with it!

The trip reached its zenith yesterday with a marathon 12 hour tour that left even me exhausted. Note that the picture below says it all. I needed a break so I gave in and had a good old cup of Seattle's best brew!




Somewhere in there, we had a free day, and we visited the site of the tallest building in the world and had lunch in the tallest hotel in the world next door. The lobby of the hotel began at the 56th floor and it soared up to the 85th floor! When you looked up, you actually got dizzy. It looked like the scene out of The Empire Strikes Back where Darth Vader intoned: "Luke, I am your father! NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Later, as we drove around town, I caught a glimpse of this sign that was advertising a new kind of nightclub. I wonder if this was something that would fly here in the US? Not a place if you're waiting for a hot cup of coffee from a waiter or waitress, eh?



Our last day we visited a small river town that was described as the Venice of China. It was China of decades ago. The town begged to be photographed in sepia tones so I flipped a switch on the camera and this is what I got. By the way, the town had it's own gondoliers, just like the ones in Venice but instead of men, the gondoliers here were women. And each one had their own song which they serenaded boat guests with!


Except for lunch where we were served spicy shrimp, heads, legs and all (they were so small that to eat them you had to pop the whole shrimps in your mouth, heads and all, and use your teeth to bite off the heads and remove the shells), it was a great way to end the trip. By the way, I passed on the shrimp. Surprised?

China is a great place to visit; we'll all certainly get a look next year when images will be beamed into our households as we watch the Summer Olympics. But try and visit in person. If you can overlook the spitting, sneezing and crazy crowds, you'll see some of the most spectacular sights in your life and experience a trip unlike any other.

Xie xie,

Jackie Chan

and The Jasons

The Jasons in China: If This is Thursday, This Must be Xian

Somewhere in China

September 6, 2007

You know you're on vacation when you actually lose track of what day of the week it is. It doesn't help that my day here is one day ahead of yours and my day is your night, etc., etc...But I'm having a hell of a good time.

Where am I? Oh yea, I'm in Xian. Today we flew into the city from Beijing and found a very different landscape. Instead of endless city scapes we found farm lands. We ventured into the city of Xian and did some shopping. Imagine my surprise when I bought a deck of cards for my mom and got this shopping bag.

Now it's evening in Xian and I've just returned from a dumpling dinner. And when I say dumplings, I mean lots and lots of dumplings at Xian's premiere dumpling house. Sixteen courses worth of dumplings. Dumplings of all kinds, in all shapes and sizes. Pork. Pork and vegetable. Pork and pumpkin. Chicken and vegetable. Shrimp and vegetable. Vegetable. And walnut! (shaped like little walnuts and VERY tasty). Stacks and stacks of bamboo steamers filled with dumplings. It was like a Chinese dumpling version of Willy Wonka. By the end you were wondering who would've thought those little doughy delights would make you feel so full?

After dinner we took a walk and drive around town where the light mist made the entire downtown area of Xian glow like a Chinese lantern.

Earlier today we also had a chance to visit the Eighth Wonder of the Word - the Terra Cotta Warriors of Xian. Truly spectacular and overwhelming.

It was amazing to find out that this vast collection of archeological gems was discovered while a farmer was digging for a water well -- and that he is still around, 30 years later, working as a guide at the museum. There are estimated to be over 8,000 figures out there but only 2000 have been unearthed and restored. It was wild.Ever feel like you're being followed by a man of stone?

Meanwhile, on our last last day in Beijing (whenever that was..oh yea, yesterday) we visted the Hutongs, the old sections of homes where people live as they did over 70 years ago. We rode pedicabs which were a hoot. We also had a chance to visit a Kindergarten class and chat with kids who were happy to greet us with a big "Hello" in English.Our final lunch in Beijing gave us a glimpse into real Chinese life. We were invited into a local resident's home and get a home cooked meal. W all agreed it was the best meal of our entire trip. "Ding Ding Hao!" which means very good was the most appropriate phrase.


Man, do they love their multi course meals here. The meal went on forever!

Onto Shanghai tomorrow.

Ding Ding Hao!
Jackie Chan

The Jasons in China: Day 3

September 3, 2007
Beijing

Ni Hao!

Impressions of China on Day 3

I've seen very few birds and no cats. Not a tweet to be heard for miles because I was told by our tour guide that there was a concerted effort to eliminate the pidgeon from Beijing. I say good show. Who likes those rats with wings? As for the absence of cats, we in the US know how effective their pet food is in helping control the pet population...They eat anything with two legs except people and anything with four legs except for tables. In China, our tour guide told us they eat: beef (all parts), pork (all parts), chicken (all parts, starting with feet which are imported from the US because we just won't eat them), as well as eel, snake, crickets, turtle, frog, lizard, ANY fish, etc. etc. I think I've seen most of these during one our many Chinese meals. "Mister! Hello! Mister! Hello!" is getting to be my least favorite phrase that I hear while shopping.Traffic in China anytime during the day makes the 405 at 5 pm on a Wednesday look like traffic on Christmas morning. This afternoon it took us one hour and fifteen minutes to travel 10 miles. Lucky that us Jasons used this time to catch up on our sleep. By the way, China is BIG. We've learned that Beijing with 18 million people is China's second largest city. There's a city in the middle of China with 33 million people. Though people still spit freely on sidewalks and in public areas, the China I've seen is the cleanest place I've been to in all my travels (not a speck of litter anywhere), the people are the friendliest and nicest I've encountered and all is orderly and safe which works well for this OCD American tourist. Not even the food issues could stop me from coming back. I suggest a visit to China for all.





Xie Xie,
Jackie Chan

The Jasons in China: Day 2

September 2, 2007
Beijing

Ni Hao!

Today we spent the majority of the day at The Forbidden City with a visit after lunch to the Temple of Heaven. First we started out in Tienanmen Square, site of the infamous uprising. It was Sunday and most people were families strolling about taking pictures of each other. One of the members of our group who is black told me of how a family from the Outer Provinces came up to her smiling, touching her skin and asking to take her picture with them; they had never seen a black person before. All the woman could do was laugh, it was so weird. Then it was inside to the famed Forbidden City. Bigger than two Disneyland's put together, it really brought the film "The Last Emperor" to life (go rent it if you haven't seen it; great film). Outer wall, followed by an inner wall, followed by an inner palace, followed by an inner courtyard, it was enormous. We walked for hours and finally came out the other side just before lunch.And today we finally had our first Chinese meal. Lunch was like a great Chinese meal in Downtown LA. Dinner was another matter. Two words - Beijing Duck. And if you weren't a fan of duck (watching it brought out with the head intact and then being sliced up with the eyeballs staring at you didn't help) , you were out of luck because there was no alternative for us non duck eaters. I did try it but it was no go. It tasted like very gamey, greasy dark meat chicken. I tried to find an edible vegetable but the rest of the meal was pork or unidentified meat (the waiters spoke NO English). After much quiet protesting on my part, I finally got my dinner - white rice. Ah well, not every meal can be perfect. That's what I brought Lara Bars for. Bon Appetit, Jack! I guess I can fill up on breakfast tomorrow.













Tomorrow is Monday and we're off to The Great Wall at Badaling.

Jackie Chan & The Jasons

The Jasons in China: Day 1

Goodbye, Golden Gate. and hello...

Beijing
September 1, 2007

Ni Hao from Beijing

The end of our first day here in China and all I can say is this place is fantastic As you can see from the pictures below, we visited the Great Wall but as this was our free day, our new friend Blandina who works for UNICEF helped us hire a driver to take us to the less touristy part of the Great Wall at Mutinayu. What a great chance to see the wall without the crowds.

China is a vacationer's dream. People are extremely polite, the streets and avenues spotless and one never feels unsafe, no matter what time of day or night it is. And it's cheap! After our visit to the Great Wall, we visited the Silk Market. But don't let the name fool you. It was seven floors of every single expensive brand clothing, shoes, watches, at you could think of, all at rock bottom prices. A lot of the stuff was fake but as fake goes, it looked pretty real; D&G, rada, LV, Rolex, Gucci, North Face, Polo, Abercrombie & Fitch, Nike. Whereas Santee Alley in downtown LA is all about purses, this place had everything else including everything above and more: shoes, designer sheets, underwear, backpacks, etc. As we walked through the aisles, the salespeople would tug at you, hold your hand and say "Mister? Miss? Come buy!" It was actually funny because they were all extremely friendly and eager to help you find whatever you wanted but most times you would walk on buy, clearly not interested.

After 45 minutes of being tugged, pulled and yelled at we'd had enough. But if shopping is what you like to do, come to Beijing and the Silk Market. No better bargain shopping around.

Tomorrow our tour officially begins and we visit Tianemen Square and the Forbidden City.

Cheers,
Jackie Chan & The Jasons in China